Sic Transit Gloria: Glory Fades
by Evablue
Summary: Spinner has lost almost everything. When you have nearly nothing left to lose are you one step away from self destruction?


A/N: Takes place after Secret and Eye of the Tiger. Head over to DB to read the version WITH lyrics.

**bSit Transit Gloria: Glory Fades/b**

"I need some time, Spin," she'd said. Her voice had held that trying tone, the one that always grated on his nerves. He liked the sweetness in her, not all her little complications.

But then she'd dropped a, "_Please_."

As though that meant she really was sorry that she needed space, time… Whatever. And he wanted to believe her and live in that word. Maybe it was because it twisted inside of him until it sounded a little too much like hope.

He could live with time, he guessed. But days stretched out into weeks and all he was left with was Jay and crippling memories. Manny called sometimes, saying she was almost ready to start up where they had left off and not to forget her.

She liked to beg a promise from him and she knew she liked to hear it more than she liked to believe it.

_

* * *

She's not graceful as she comes to stand beside him. There's no feminine glide to her steps. He would almost say she walked like a man or like a predator approaching its kill._

She doesn't dress like most girls, either. She doesn't own skirts. He can't remember ever seeing her in one. It wasn't like Manny, who wore hip hugging pants and form fitting shirts. Alex's nails were run down and short stubs, not manicured and polished.

He hair always falls around her face like it was something she was stuck with and he knows she spends only a few minutes on it each morning. She wouldn't be the type to be afraid to get it mused or tangled if the greater cause was getting laid.

Not like Manny, who always fussed and fretted over her mane of hair like it was a global travesty if one piece was out of place. She'd actually stopped - stopped - one time during a heavy make-out session to pull her hair back into a ponytail so it didn't, "Look completely horrible."

He takes a moment to take Alex in and finds he appreciates how casual she is, inside and out.

"What's up, Mason?" The words have a certain underlying rhythm to them, as they bounce with her ingrained sarcasm.

"Just enjoying the party," he answers, shrugging. "You?"

"Enjoying the single life." She grins but it doesn't reach her eyes. There's a split second where Spinner can see how Jay has ripped her apart. But it closes up so fast it leaves him wondering if he imagined it.

"Cool." She holds out an opened beer to him and he takes it. Before Jay he'd never been the drinking type. He still wasn't quite sure that he was now. But he takes a sip and realizes it doesn't matter what type of person he thought he was.

Actions speak louder than words…

Alex nods as she sees him start to drink and she takes a swig of her own. He picks up on the fact then that she'd come over with the intention of drinking a beer with him, fully prepared.

He feels uncomfortable even as his eyes trail down to the way her shirt bunches at the apex of her chest. He sees the shadowed valley and his eyes stay there. He turns back up to find Alex smirking at him and he shifts, looking away.

"Like what you see?" Alex asks, and it almost sounds innocent. When he turns back to her the gleam in her eyes say it is anything but; most things with her never are innocent.

"Whatever," he says shortly. Some warning sound is going off in his head and he knows he should walk away. But he doesn't.

And again he knows thoughts were useless in a world full of half-assed actions and trite words.

Alex smiles and knows she's won.

_

* * *

When she motions towards the stairs and starts to walk by him he pretends he isn't interested. For his own conscious, for that moment later when he'll regret it all, his mind allows himself to stop himself long enough to watch her walk up the stairs._

He gives himself enough time to feel better about himself, as though he took the time to remember the brown eyes of the girl he'd promised to never hurt. Somehow waiting that half of a minute would make it better, wouldn't it? If he thought about how terrible what he was doing was then that made him a better person.

So when his feet move in the way Alex left he tells himself he thought about it. He tells himself he wasn't completely selfish, because he thought about her.

She trails into a room and he follows; he doesn't even blink.

When she kisses him he almost remembers to be surprised. Almost. But instead he finds himself kissing her back so hard that he wonders if her teeth rattle. His hand works its way into her hair and he finds it is coarse under his fingers, dry strands bunching in his fist.

He notices she doesn't smell like all the things girls were suppose to be made of. There's no lotion massaged into her skin or body spray lingering around her. Her hair smells of smoke and sweat, not shampoo.

He notices the places in between the tanned skin and the white underneath. Big, gaping holes between bronze and porcelain. The shape of a belly length tank, as though she was wearing clothing right over her skin. Not like any girl he's ever touched, where tan follows tan into darker and more hidden places.

He doesn't waste his time on pleasantries. He'd try and make it seem like she was more than just another way to self-destruct, another way to burn parts of his life to the ground. He'd try to look into her eyes and lie, say that it means something. But she would just laugh because she was that type of girl. So, he doesn't even bother.

When he moves to kiss her again he doesn't even aim for her mouth. Sloppy, frantic kisses land on her neck and the side of her face, right near her lip. She doesn't mind. Somehow he's surprised to find himself sprawled on top of her, the bed dipping underneath their weight.

He pulls back, hesitates. He wants to be that guy who will stop, who will walk away. He wants to be the person he swore to her he would be. He wants to remember that just days before this girl had been his friend's girlfriend.

Then she moves beneath him and connects her mouth to his again, her tongue snaking into his mouth in heady demand. Alex's hands are everywhere at the same time before they loop around his belt buckle.

A smirk on her lips, amusement in her eyes… She unbuckles his belt but doesn't bother to toss it aside. Then he's beneath her as she grins lazily on top of him, her legs moving to straddle him.

The rest is a haze.

_

* * *

There is the rustle of clothing. She watches him, knowing he's never been in this place before. This place between intimacy and casual action. He doesn't know what to say or how to act. He wonders if he's suppose to feel this numb, this disconnected._

"Alex -" he tries, but she stops him.

"Don't." She gets up and redoes her pants. He suddenly realizes he never really took much clothing off. He's still fully dressed, with his pants unzipped.

She pulls her shirt on and she isn't looking at him. But she isn't not looking at him. She just doesn't care to do either.

He regrets, like he knew he would. But he couldn't have known it would hit so hard, like a blade shoved down his throat. He would never have believed it was a one moment leap.

It was cheap. She made him cheap. She made everything between him and his girlfriend cheap.

No, he did it to himself. He threw it away. He wanted to throw it away, he wanted it. So why does it all feel so hollow?

"Stop thinking," she grumbles sharply, finishing up the last button on her shirt.

He stares at those fingers. How could he let them touch him? They weren't soft or gentle. They were hard and demanding, like sand paper on his skin.

"Don't tell me what to do," he bites out, standing up and zipping up his pants. "I just fucked the last part of my life up."

"Give me a break. It was already fucked. You just didn't know it yet."

"You're such a coldhearted bitch."

She smirks and he knows she agrees. He realizes she likes being that way and somehow to her it is an insult twisted into a compliment.

She pauses at the door and meets his eyes. Hard brown, so hard he wonders if underneath her breast her heart beats. "Don't tell Jay," she says to him.

For a moment he think there's a part of her who regrets it, too. He misses the calculating glow on her face as she turns.

But he doesn't need to see it. As she opens the door and walks out she says, "I want to."

_/Die young and save yourself/_

_**fin**_


End file.
